Temple's day.
I have now experienced a day that will forever be branded in my mind. I wanted to tell the story of yesterday from my perspective so that everyone would have the opportunity to see it through my eyes... I especially wanted to write this for those that are worried about the day of delivery. It's a short (well, maybe not SUPER short) story to help you get inside the mind of a man who has seen the birth of his child from start to finish and lived to tell about it.
We went to bed half past midnight on Friday, after watching an episode of 'Biggest Loser' on our MacBook in bed. Feeling tired yet expectant, I went to bed with a final thought of 'This will probably be the last good night's sleep I will have in a looong time'.
One hour goes by, I am sound asleep.
Tap Tap... on my shoulder. Emily says 'Grab the stopwatch, I'm having really strong contractions'.
A weary-eyed Andrew shuffles around in the dark. Found it! Back in bed and going in and out of sleep. Tap Tap... 'Are you awake'? 'Huh? Yeah! Yeah, I'm up' I lied... Alright, better start getting serious or I'm gonna get yelled at. I time a couple contractions that are a few minutes apart. This is a good sign. Emily has had strong contractions before, but this is different... I am more aware as the contractions keep coming, never farther than six minutes apart. We get up and light some candles, put some relaxing music on, I put the tea pot on the stove and Emily starts pacing the apartment.
'Another one's coming' says Emily.
She's slowing her walk, using the wall for support as she is focused on relaxing through the growing pain. The pain comes and then goes like climbing a mountain and coming down the other side. Done... She's pacing again and calm. We are both up and completely awake by now, it's 2am and we are both getting ready for a long day.
I am having a baby today! It dawns on my that after nine months of waiting and waiting to get to meet my little girl, she is actually on her way TODAY. A lot goes through my mind. ' Am I worried? Scared? How do I feel?' But I knew I was not scared at all... I am excited and completely confident that we have prepared for this day and we will do what we practiced.
'Here comes another one... uuhh uhhhh.' Emily is starting to have some really intense contractions. She isn't able to talk through them, instead she is quiet, slightly moaning, breathing heavy and focused.
Mama Thatcher is my seasoned helper and I have been texting her to let her know that we are starting early labor, but not yet ready for her to come over. It isn't long before Emily is getting into late first stage labor and it's getting close to the time for us to leave.
I send the text 'I think we are ready for you.' She replies 'You bet. On my way!'
Mom arrives towards the end of a heavy contraction. We hear her come in but we are focused on the task at hand so there aren't any formal hugs and hello's, this is business.
At this point, the sun is well on it's way, I look at the clock to see it is 5:45am and that an astounding 4 hours has gone by!... It felt more like a half hour, MAYBE. Time flies when you're having babies. Mom's arrival was a huge blessing; Em has always found comfort knowing her mom is there for her, and I get some well deserved R&R... hey, I'm not delivering the baby from my uterus, but I'm still working along side of my wife :) Papa Thatcher arrives, Em goes into another contraction, he asks where the stopwatch is, mom says 'Andy's got it. Where is he?'
Eyes closed, sprawled on the couch, rhythmic breathing. Heaven is a place called sleepy time.
I wake up to a sun filled room and my wife leaning over the bar stool on a cushion, laboring through a contraction. 'How long have I been out for, 2 hours?' Actually only about twenty minutes. It's all I needed, I am refreshed and ready to go another leg. I jump back in and assume my role as coach, helping Emily to relax through the contractions. She handles them with deep moans of pain, but still acting like a pro... most people probably would never have known this was her first.
Contractions are about 3-4 minutes apart, Emily is now in deep concentration, no joking, no light heartedness, game face on and shes playing for keeps... it's time to head out, she's almost ready. Dad has already left for work, mom helps me get everything into the car, along with my laboring wife... and I must say, she has a kind of beauty while laboring that I have not seen before, a feeling of such love swells within my heart as she struggles through the pain for our little girl.
Changing scenery always changes the consistency of the contractions... mom drives while I sit with Em in the back, working through the building pain 'Just relax baby. Relaax. Almost there, it's half way over. We are over the peak, it's coming down. There you go, you're doing sooo good, sweetheart. The more pain, the closer we are.'
'I can't do this. It hurts so bad.' She is looking at me with pleading eyes. My heart breaks, I fight tears, but I know better than to give in, she needs me to be strong. 'Yes you can, baby. You're doing so well! Soon we will have Temple here in our arms, you'll finally get to hold her. You can do this!' Her mind then re-focused. My wife was amazing through it; suffering yet sturdy.
We arrive at St. Jo's, park, get the stuff and head up to triage. There's a hilarious kindred-natured checkin guy that I joke with about throw up and other random topics while I sign us in and mom and Em head back to get settled. We are there for a short while, and we then get moved to our delivery room; a small and sterile yet pleasant enough room overlooking the Phoenix valley. We get to meet our Midwife Tanya whom we had yet to meet whom we have heard from friends is just amazing. My first impression is that although she is not overly expressive, there is something so warming about her that you can't quite put your finger on.
The nurses have come in to do their thing... we are wanting a natural birth, so we are somewhat apprehensive with the nurses who tend to have a less natural approach to labor. They prod and poke and pull and move without much warmth, all routine with them... Em handles it well though, and I make a goal to connect with our birthing team as there needs to be as little tension there as possible.
The nurses hook up the monitor.
Tanya comes in and takes off the monitor. 'I'm sorry, these nurses have no idea what natural child birth is around here.' It is somewhat of an ongoing battle with the staff, Tanya shows her frustration a bit, but she is still professional about it... we are her patients after all, and she is going to take care of us no matter what.
She is laying on her side, and the contractions are worse than ever. She is in so much pain it is hard to watch. 'I'm cold, I want to be in the shower.' Thumbs up from the birthing team, so we head to the bathroom and I help Em as she starts laboring in the shower. At this point I have let mama Thatcher take over for a bit. I have not eaten in a few hours and I need to replace my energy. Who knew that having a baby would make me forget about one of my favorite loves... fooood :)
Aubrey has arrived and we are chatting about everything while I take my breather. I am surprisingly still calm and collected even though I am about to become a father and I am going off of an hour of sleep over the past 35 hours. If you know me like some of you know me (Bobby, James, Ryan, anyone who has spent a lot of time with me), you know I LOVE my sleep. I mean LOVE... my sleep. Well I am doing well so far, so I just keep going. We are getting so close anyways so adrenaline has been MORE than just a help, it's a lifeline at this point.
More people show up, but they are all down stairs waiting patiently in the room with the chairs and TV showing old, over-played movies. My mom has arrived and she is staying in the labor room for the long haul... she isn't missing this for the world!
As the contractions ware on, Emily in a lot of pain and very focused, we all stand by and do what little we could. Tanya is standing and watching too. 'Is this fun for you?' Mama Thatcher asks with a smile. Tanya says warmly 'Yes, it is. It isn't very often that I get to see champions.' I have never been so proud of my wife up to that moment.
Emily is starting to shake. She is starting to have some serious doubts, she asks if an epidural would help save some time, she has a bit of liquid and throws it up. 'I can't do this, it hurts so bad' she pleads with us.
'Yes you can, hun, you are stronger than you know' mama Thatcher says.
'You are doing so good Em' says Aubrey.
I have learned about this part, these are clear signs of transition. I know this is the hardest part of labor, I have been waiting for this to come since the moment I woke up with a TAP TAP on my shoulder at 1:45am in the morning.
'Babe, you are going through transition. This is awesome! You know that this is the shortest part of labor, we are almost there! Our little girl is almost here!' I say enthusiastically.
'How much longer will it be?'
'It's one contraction at a time.' responds Tanya (I was so impressed with the wisdom of her response.)
Like a shifting wind, Emily gets a big boost of confidence; she no longer thinks about the pain, the suffering, how long she has been in labor... A look of absolute confidence takes over her demeanor. 'I can do this' she says. 'I can do this.' THATS MY GIRL!!!
Emily moves to her hands and knees to labor, this is a much more comfortable position for her. she is starting to get the urge to push!
OH MY GOD... THIS IS IT.
A big contraction, she is slightly pushing. 'I just felt my water break' Emily says calmly... no hysteria, just matter of fact as if she was saying 'The sky is sure cloudy today'.
She (Emily) goes through a couple contractions and handles them like a champ. Tanya is trying to find the babies heartbeat with the monitor but is having a hard time... mom and baby's heartbeats are both around 130.
'You're heartbeat is waaay too fast. You need to slow your breathing' says Tanya.
I get nervous... thoughts of losing my wife to a heart attack surface. I shut them down immediately. No time for that.
I coach Emily 'Relax your breathing babe, take slow steady breaths'. Hand on her chest, I guide her breaths, she slows down and calms, breathing through her nose and making an 'O' with her lips as she breaths out. Afterwards, we all comment on how her lips looked so beautiful while she was laboring; the things you notice at the most random times. :)
'Alright babe, this next contraction, two breaths, hold the last, tuck your chin down, and push to the point of comfort.' She does as such, and the baby coming becomes more and more clear.
At this point, there is no thought of modesty. A room full of people looking at her naked lower half and she gives no thought to shame, there is no shame in this moment, only determination and insanely hard work for a prize worth more than anything imaginable.
Here comes another one... Em takes a couple breaths, tucks her chin and pushes.
A couple more and I can see something... Is that?... Is... that what I think it is?!
'Oh my God, she's crowning!' A thought goes through my head... I always thought that I would not watch this part. It was too much for me to handle, even the idea gave me that feeling where you have to twitch your body and audibly say 'ugh!' Well, after our 3 months of birthing classes, having seen about 30 or so videos of births, I was not phased one bit... In fact, I was witnessing one of the most amazing experiences of my life. I cannot explain the joy at that moment when I started to see my little girl's head crowning. I was tearing up, I was encouraging my wonderful bride and urging her on, I was thinking how odd and pointy her head was not understanding how it would ever be round afterwards... all at the same time :)
Another contraction.... Another push. The baby's head moves a little forward, then a little back. Again and again, for about half an hour we did this cycle. 'This is it babe! You are doing so good! She's almost here! She's almost here!' I was beside myself, nothing can compare to this moment. Nothing.
'I just saw some skin!' Aubrey saw something that was more than just hair... oh yeah, my little girl (we realize) has a full head of dark brown hair! :)
Another push, her head comes out and looks to the right! 'OH MY GOD, BABE! THAT'S HER HEAD, ITS ALL THE WAY OUT. HER HEAD IS OUT!' is what I said probably over a dozen times like a message on repeat.
Then comes oblivion... a push, there's an entire arm, her body came all the way out, she is HUGE and long, Tanya has her, or is it someone else, I don't know, there's the chord its twisty, lots of noise, everyone's yelling, I am crying I think, we put her on Emily's chest, her crying little face is crinkly and odd looking, I can't focus, I just keep saying 'My baby, my love, she's here, my love, she's here, my sweet, my God, she's here, look how beautiful, my God, look at our baby.' It's a blurr... a good one.
I cut the chord, Em birth's the placenta. 'Wow, your placenta has a really nice color' says Tanya. 'Ummm.... okay' I laugh' it must be a medical thing.' I was not grossed out by any of it, not even a bit.
There are other details, I'll leave them out. Em tore a bit, had to get some stitches, this was very painful 'It's okay, it's okay, we have our baby' I say with pure joy in my eyes. 'Yeah, you're right. Yeah' she returns as she blanches momentarily with the pain of the stitching but with a joy on her face these eyes have never seen... Oh how deep a mother can dig to find the strength to do something so unthinkable and to get to the end, just to find her true love, her child, her life's greatest gift, on the other side.
The rest is history.....
I had a lot of unanswered questions before we had our little Temple Jade Fleming. Would I 'feel' love for her right away? Would I cry when she was born? Would I stay alert for the entire delivery and labor process? I wrote all this so that you could see how a father looks at his daughter and what he thinks and feels towards her. I love her with a love that I have never felt nor dreamed of... It is a love that feels so pure and selfless, that I would do any good thing for her and that I am a better man now that she exists. All I want to do is look at her, whether she sleeps or stares at me with those deep dark blue eyes, gazing at me like she is trying to figure out who I am. I look into her face and am captivated by how precious she is, how precious she is to me. I laugh randomly throughout the day, I think of her and thank Jesus for blessing me. So that is my story, and this is a REALLY long blog post!!! :) Thank you for reading, now your prize is the pictures of our special day.
A weary-eyed sleep deprived shock induced daddy
A proud grandpa
Can you tell Jared is excited to see his long expected niece?!
Words cannot describe...
My favorite one of the day
Daddy daughter time
'This is my cute scrunchy face'
Long beanies are the new Madonna
Temple and Nana
Temple Jade Fleming
Temple Jade Fleming, born on February 6th, 2010 at 2:26pm weighing 7 lbs. 10 ounces, 20 inches long. Our sweet little girl.
Mama Thatcher is my seasoned helper and I have been texting her to let her know that we are starting early labor, but not yet ready for her to come over. It isn't long before Emily is getting into late first stage labor and it's getting close to the time for us to leave.
I send the text 'I think we are ready for you.' She replies 'You bet. On my way!'
Mom arrives towards the end of a heavy contraction. We hear her come in but we are focused on the task at hand so there aren't any formal hugs and hello's, this is business.
At this point, the sun is well on it's way, I look at the clock to see it is 5:45am and that an astounding 4 hours has gone by!... It felt more like a half hour, MAYBE. Time flies when you're having babies. Mom's arrival was a huge blessing; Em has always found comfort knowing her mom is there for her, and I get some well deserved R&R... hey, I'm not delivering the baby from my uterus, but I'm still working along side of my wife :) Papa Thatcher arrives, Em goes into another contraction, he asks where the stopwatch is, mom says 'Andy's got it. Where is he?'
Eyes closed, sprawled on the couch, rhythmic breathing. Heaven is a place called sleepy time.
I wake up to a sun filled room and my wife leaning over the bar stool on a cushion, laboring through a contraction. 'How long have I been out for, 2 hours?' Actually only about twenty minutes. It's all I needed, I am refreshed and ready to go another leg. I jump back in and assume my role as coach, helping Emily to relax through the contractions. She handles them with deep moans of pain, but still acting like a pro... most people probably would never have known this was her first.
Contractions are about 3-4 minutes apart, Emily is now in deep concentration, no joking, no light heartedness, game face on and shes playing for keeps... it's time to head out, she's almost ready. Dad has already left for work, mom helps me get everything into the car, along with my laboring wife... and I must say, she has a kind of beauty while laboring that I have not seen before, a feeling of such love swells within my heart as she struggles through the pain for our little girl.
Changing scenery always changes the consistency of the contractions... mom drives while I sit with Em in the back, working through the building pain 'Just relax baby. Relaax. Almost there, it's half way over. We are over the peak, it's coming down. There you go, you're doing sooo good, sweetheart. The more pain, the closer we are.'
'I can't do this. It hurts so bad.' She is looking at me with pleading eyes. My heart breaks, I fight tears, but I know better than to give in, she needs me to be strong. 'Yes you can, baby. You're doing so well! Soon we will have Temple here in our arms, you'll finally get to hold her. You can do this!' Her mind then re-focused. My wife was amazing through it; suffering yet sturdy.
We arrive at St. Jo's, park, get the stuff and head up to triage. There's a hilarious kindred-natured checkin guy that I joke with about throw up and other random topics while I sign us in and mom and Em head back to get settled. We are there for a short while, and we then get moved to our delivery room; a small and sterile yet pleasant enough room overlooking the Phoenix valley. We get to meet our Midwife Tanya whom we had yet to meet whom we have heard from friends is just amazing. My first impression is that although she is not overly expressive, there is something so warming about her that you can't quite put your finger on.
The nurses have come in to do their thing... we are wanting a natural birth, so we are somewhat apprehensive with the nurses who tend to have a less natural approach to labor. They prod and poke and pull and move without much warmth, all routine with them... Em handles it well though, and I make a goal to connect with our birthing team as there needs to be as little tension there as possible.
The nurses hook up the monitor.
Tanya comes in and takes off the monitor. 'I'm sorry, these nurses have no idea what natural child birth is around here.' It is somewhat of an ongoing battle with the staff, Tanya shows her frustration a bit, but she is still professional about it... we are her patients after all, and she is going to take care of us no matter what.
She is laying on her side, and the contractions are worse than ever. She is in so much pain it is hard to watch. 'I'm cold, I want to be in the shower.' Thumbs up from the birthing team, so we head to the bathroom and I help Em as she starts laboring in the shower. At this point I have let mama Thatcher take over for a bit. I have not eaten in a few hours and I need to replace my energy. Who knew that having a baby would make me forget about one of my favorite loves... fooood :)
Aubrey has arrived and we are chatting about everything while I take my breather. I am surprisingly still calm and collected even though I am about to become a father and I am going off of an hour of sleep over the past 35 hours. If you know me like some of you know me (Bobby, James, Ryan, anyone who has spent a lot of time with me), you know I LOVE my sleep. I mean LOVE... my sleep. Well I am doing well so far, so I just keep going. We are getting so close anyways so adrenaline has been MORE than just a help, it's a lifeline at this point.
More people show up, but they are all down stairs waiting patiently in the room with the chairs and TV showing old, over-played movies. My mom has arrived and she is staying in the labor room for the long haul... she isn't missing this for the world!
As the contractions ware on, Emily in a lot of pain and very focused, we all stand by and do what little we could. Tanya is standing and watching too. 'Is this fun for you?' Mama Thatcher asks with a smile. Tanya says warmly 'Yes, it is. It isn't very often that I get to see champions.' I have never been so proud of my wife up to that moment.
Emily is starting to shake. She is starting to have some serious doubts, she asks if an epidural would help save some time, she has a bit of liquid and throws it up. 'I can't do this, it hurts so bad' she pleads with us.
'Yes you can, hun, you are stronger than you know' mama Thatcher says.
'You are doing so good Em' says Aubrey.
I have learned about this part, these are clear signs of transition. I know this is the hardest part of labor, I have been waiting for this to come since the moment I woke up with a TAP TAP on my shoulder at 1:45am in the morning.
'Babe, you are going through transition. This is awesome! You know that this is the shortest part of labor, we are almost there! Our little girl is almost here!' I say enthusiastically.
'How much longer will it be?'
'It's one contraction at a time.' responds Tanya (I was so impressed with the wisdom of her response.)
Like a shifting wind, Emily gets a big boost of confidence; she no longer thinks about the pain, the suffering, how long she has been in labor... A look of absolute confidence takes over her demeanor. 'I can do this' she says. 'I can do this.' THATS MY GIRL!!!
Emily moves to her hands and knees to labor, this is a much more comfortable position for her. she is starting to get the urge to push!
OH MY GOD... THIS IS IT.
A big contraction, she is slightly pushing. 'I just felt my water break' Emily says calmly... no hysteria, just matter of fact as if she was saying 'The sky is sure cloudy today'.
She (Emily) goes through a couple contractions and handles them like a champ. Tanya is trying to find the babies heartbeat with the monitor but is having a hard time... mom and baby's heartbeats are both around 130.
'You're heartbeat is waaay too fast. You need to slow your breathing' says Tanya.
I get nervous... thoughts of losing my wife to a heart attack surface. I shut them down immediately. No time for that.
I coach Emily 'Relax your breathing babe, take slow steady breaths'. Hand on her chest, I guide her breaths, she slows down and calms, breathing through her nose and making an 'O' with her lips as she breaths out. Afterwards, we all comment on how her lips looked so beautiful while she was laboring; the things you notice at the most random times. :)
'Alright babe, this next contraction, two breaths, hold the last, tuck your chin down, and push to the point of comfort.' She does as such, and the baby coming becomes more and more clear.
At this point, there is no thought of modesty. A room full of people looking at her naked lower half and she gives no thought to shame, there is no shame in this moment, only determination and insanely hard work for a prize worth more than anything imaginable.
Here comes another one... Em takes a couple breaths, tucks her chin and pushes.
A couple more and I can see something... Is that?... Is... that what I think it is?!
'Oh my God, she's crowning!' A thought goes through my head... I always thought that I would not watch this part. It was too much for me to handle, even the idea gave me that feeling where you have to twitch your body and audibly say 'ugh!' Well, after our 3 months of birthing classes, having seen about 30 or so videos of births, I was not phased one bit... In fact, I was witnessing one of the most amazing experiences of my life. I cannot explain the joy at that moment when I started to see my little girl's head crowning. I was tearing up, I was encouraging my wonderful bride and urging her on, I was thinking how odd and pointy her head was not understanding how it would ever be round afterwards... all at the same time :)
Another contraction.... Another push. The baby's head moves a little forward, then a little back. Again and again, for about half an hour we did this cycle. 'This is it babe! You are doing so good! She's almost here! She's almost here!' I was beside myself, nothing can compare to this moment. Nothing.
'I just saw some skin!' Aubrey saw something that was more than just hair... oh yeah, my little girl (we realize) has a full head of dark brown hair! :)
Another push, her head comes out and looks to the right! 'OH MY GOD, BABE! THAT'S HER HEAD, ITS ALL THE WAY OUT. HER HEAD IS OUT!' is what I said probably over a dozen times like a message on repeat.
Then comes oblivion... a push, there's an entire arm, her body came all the way out, she is HUGE and long, Tanya has her, or is it someone else, I don't know, there's the chord its twisty, lots of noise, everyone's yelling, I am crying I think, we put her on Emily's chest, her crying little face is crinkly and odd looking, I can't focus, I just keep saying 'My baby, my love, she's here, my love, she's here, my sweet, my God, she's here, look how beautiful, my God, look at our baby.' It's a blurr... a good one.
I cut the chord, Em birth's the placenta. 'Wow, your placenta has a really nice color' says Tanya. 'Ummm.... okay' I laugh' it must be a medical thing.' I was not grossed out by any of it, not even a bit.
There are other details, I'll leave them out. Em tore a bit, had to get some stitches, this was very painful 'It's okay, it's okay, we have our baby' I say with pure joy in my eyes. 'Yeah, you're right. Yeah' she returns as she blanches momentarily with the pain of the stitching but with a joy on her face these eyes have never seen... Oh how deep a mother can dig to find the strength to do something so unthinkable and to get to the end, just to find her true love, her child, her life's greatest gift, on the other side.
The rest is history.....
I had a lot of unanswered questions before we had our little Temple Jade Fleming. Would I 'feel' love for her right away? Would I cry when she was born? Would I stay alert for the entire delivery and labor process? I wrote all this so that you could see how a father looks at his daughter and what he thinks and feels towards her. I love her with a love that I have never felt nor dreamed of... It is a love that feels so pure and selfless, that I would do any good thing for her and that I am a better man now that she exists. All I want to do is look at her, whether she sleeps or stares at me with those deep dark blue eyes, gazing at me like she is trying to figure out who I am. I look into her face and am captivated by how precious she is, how precious she is to me. I laugh randomly throughout the day, I think of her and thank Jesus for blessing me. So that is my story, and this is a REALLY long blog post!!! :) Thank you for reading, now your prize is the pictures of our special day.
A weary-eyed sleep deprived shock induced daddy
A proud grandpa
Can you tell Jared is excited to see his long expected niece?!
Words cannot describe...
My favorite one of the day
Daddy daughter time
'This is my cute scrunchy face'
Long beanies are the new Madonna
Temple and Nana
Temple Jade Fleming
Temple Jade Fleming, born on February 6th, 2010 at 2:26pm weighing 7 lbs. 10 ounces, 20 inches long. Our sweet little girl.
She is beautiful. I'm serious, lots of babies come out to look like aliens the first day...she is seriously SO beautiful!!
ReplyDeleteand um, wow! talk about a head full of hair! :) Congrats guys...she's a beauty, and so serene like, with wonderful blue eyes! ah can't wait to meet her!!
who would have thought a trip to spain would have brought this beautiful blessing?! ;)
It's all your fault Jo Jo... YOU and Robby left me alone with Emily too much on that trip... We shouda known :)
ReplyDeleteOH Andy and Emily! She is perfect!! She makes some expressions that look just like Andy! Great job story telling, Andy. I felt like you were telling me that in person! Not gonna lie, I cried a bit, laughed, smiled. I am so thrilled for your both! Can't wait to meet her. I love you and miss you both!
ReplyDeleteYou'll be so psyched in years to come that you wrote this out in such detail. Seriously.
ReplyDeleteRipping, my man. Ripping.
an amazing story to treasure. Blessings to your new little family
ReplyDeleteShe's so gorgeous. :)
ReplyDeleteAndy, this was an awesome account of your day. i'm a doula now, and reading this story made me cry.. i've never met Emily, but i'm so proud!
ReplyDeletelove you guys.
Emily Janowick